Understand That Death Isn't The End
by sodapopcurtisangel
Summary: After Johnny and Dally's deaths, Pony believes in dying and wants to see his parents and friends again. He will go so far to get there. When his brothers lose hope, Pony meets a friend who shows him that life goes on.
1. Chapter 1

Losing two friends is hard. Especially when they are as close as family. That's how it was to a gang of seven guys who were as close as brothers, but then lost two tragically. It was especially hard for Ponyboy Curtis. He saw them both die and went through a lot before their deaths even occurred. His two older brothers, Darry and Sodapop, had been trying to get their youngest brother back to normal from when the deaths happened a few months back.

Not everyone was completely back to normal. The other two buddies of the Curtis brothers, Two-Bit Mathews and Steve Randle, even thought about Dally and Johnny at times. The worst part was the rivals, the Socs, blamed the greasers for everything. They wanted revenge and were planning to do anything. Rumors went around on what they were going to do to the greasers, but they hadn't acted upon it yet.

Darry and Soda were greatly concerned about Ponyboy the most. He thought about his two friends, and had nightmares that left him on the edge, but he had started having behavioral problems as well. Pony was getting angry easier and was acting on the depression side. Soda had found a short story Pony had written about death, and it was rather disturbing when he showed it to Darry. Two-Bit mentioned a couple times when Pony removed his sweater, there were fresh scars on his wrist. Everything was worrying Soda and Darry for their little brother.

It was after dinner one night when Soda and Darry were talking in Darry's room. Two-Bit agreed to take Pony out for awhile so they could talk in private.

"Have you decided on a doctor yet?" Soda asked.

"Not exactly," Darry said with a sigh. Soda knew Darry was stressing over Ponyboy, but this was getting serious and they couldn't wait any longer for Pony to get better on his own.

Soda started pacing the bedroom, "You know, I really do think Pony is cutting himself like Two-Bit told us."

"What makes you so sure?" Darry asked rubbing his temple. He was pretty sure it was true, too, but he didn't want to believe it. He didn't like believing that his youngest brother could really be becoming ill from everything that's happened.

"I found a blade under the bathroom sink. It was shoved behind everything and there were blood stains. Either that or Two-Bit or Steve murdered someone and hid the evidence," Soda said. Darry let out a slight chuckle at the little joke.

"Maybe the doctor ain't a bad idea," Darry commented. Before Soda could reply, they heard the front door open and shut. The two oldest Curtis brothers went downstairs and found Ponyboy sitting on the couch and Two-Bit pacing the living room. "What's going on?" Darry asked as him and Soda approached the two downstairs.

Two-Bit looked up at Darry and sighed, "Pony here got in a fight." Darry didn't feel the need to lecture at the moment. Pony just got up and went to his room.

"You guys, something is seriously going on," Two-Bit said, "And you can't keep ignoring it."

"We're not ignoring it, Two-Bit," Darry snapped, "We're trying to figure out what's wrong and how to handle it."

Two-Bit sighed, "I'm sorry, I know. But we do know the problem, Darrel. We all know Pony's having a hard time coping with Dally and Johnny's deaths. I mean it was within a year of your folks, so this is probably hitting him so hard, because he's so young. He shouldn't have to deal with it."

Darry sat in the armchair and rubbed his temples again, "I know that this is hitting very hard, but I'm wondering about the doctor thing."

"Darry, we won't know if it will work until we try," Soda said. Darry knew he was right with that point.

"I just wish he would talk to one of us, though. It's not like we don't understand what's going on, we all went through it," Two-Bit pointed out.

"Yeah, but he was there for Johnny and Dally's deaths, so it wasn't probably the best view of his life," Darry said. Just then everyone heard a soft bang from upstairs. All three greasers went upstairs to the closed bathroom door. As expected, when Darry tried it, it was locked. He knocked, "Pony, open the door."

There was no reply.

"Damnit, Ponyboy, open the door. Open it now!" Darry yelled. There was no sign of movement. No one even heard the slightest moving of anything in the bathroom. Everyone feared for what could have happened, for what Pony could have done to himself. Darry started pounding the door as hard as he could.


	2. Chapter 2

With the help of Two-Bit's blade, Darry got the bathroom door open. Their fear drained quickly as everyone saw Pony against the wall holding his bloodied wrist and his blade on the floor. "Pony…" Soda whispered. He turned away. Looking at his brother this way was unbearable. Two-Bit held Soda's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "I didn't want to believe it Two-Bit," Soda admitted. Two-Bit nodded.

Two-Bit watched as Darry walked into the bathroom and picked up Pony's blade. He held it behind him and Two-Bit put it in his back pocket. Darry quickly washed and bandaged Pony's wrist. Pony didn't fight back; he just stared out at the wall. As soon as Pony was fixed up, Darry helped him to his feet and lead him to the hall.

"Wait downstairs," Darry said to Soda and Two-Bit. They both wondered downstairs as Darry brought Pony to his room.

"Oh, Two-Bit, what's wrong with him? Why is he coping with the deaths so bad? He knows better," Soda said nearly sobbing.

Two-Bit paced the living room again, "Don't worry Soda. Things will get better soon, as time goes by. I mean, do you remember when your parents passed? He hid in his room all day and night. This time just may be a little more severe." Two-Bit knew Soda would be worried regardless of anything he said. A moment later, Steve walked in the door still in his DX uniform.

"Late night?" Two-Bit asked. Steve nodded shoving his shoes off.

"Hey Soda, what's up?" Steve asked slamming on the couch massaging his knee.

"What did you do?" Two-Bit asked.

Steve shrugged, "Just being clumsy. Hit it against a car pretty hard. Klutz move." Steve looked over at Soda again, "You okay?" Soda shrugged. "Is it Pony again?" Soda nodded. "What happened?" Steve asked looking up at Two-Bit, not wanting to bug his best friend.

Two-Bit sighed, "Pony just had a rough night." Steve nodded. Soda leaned forward his head into his hands.

"I don't know what to do. I can't look at him and see him as my little brother anymore, he's just so different and I don't know who he really is anymore," Soda said between sobs.

"Soda, everything's going to be okay. Darry will know what to do. He could also have the school talk to Pony," Two-Bit suggested. Soda took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes.

"I guess we could try that too," Soda said nodding to himself. He tried calming himself down as he kept repeating that Pony would be all right. Pony would be just fine.

Back upstairs, Darry was checking Pony's wrist to make sure he didn't lose too much blood. "Pony, talk to me," Darry pleaded as Pony sat on Darry's bed. He stayed silent, though. Everyone knew Pony to be silent, but this wasn't for a good reason this time. "I know what's wrong Pony, but you need help."

Pony stayed silent and gave no impression that he was listening. "Pony please," Darry begged, "I know you might not think so, but you do need help. I know you miss them, I know you miss everybody, but you can't hurt yourself like this."

Darry held himself down and tried to stay patient with Pony. He had been through so much and Darry couldn't blame him for his behavior, but it was getting out of hand. He had to do one more thing before making any other decisions. "Stay here, don't do anything," Darry ordered. He got up and left his bedroom.

Down the hall, Darry went to Pony and Soda's shared bedroom. Darry shut the bedroom door and switched on the light. He started with the bed. He looked under the sheets and in the pillowcases for anything Pony could have put there. What Darry was mainly looking for were more poems or stories, drawings or anything to point to Pony's disturbed behavior.

Darry looked under the bed and retreated it. He went to the dresser and looked through every drawer. By then Darry figured he wouldn't hide anything in the drawers since Soda could find it too. Darry looked behind the dresser and found nothing more.

Darry looked in the closet. All that was in the closet were shirts either hung or on the floor. Nothing could really be hidden there, so Darry retreated the closet too. Darry checked the small desk Pony drew on. There were a pile of pictures and Darry started looking through them. Nothing bad or disturbing was drawn.

Last place was Pony's backpack. Darry found schoolwork in there, but then found out-of-place papers stuffed away. Darry pulled them all out and looked through them. There was one poem, one drawing, and one short story. He started with the drawing.

The drawing was of ordinary people, but getting tortured in horrifying ways. One guy's legs were broken, the bones sticking out of the skin. Another guy's heart was cut out with a knife. Darry shoved the picture aside and went to the poem.

_Nevermore  
By-Ponyboy M. Curtis_

_You are gone forevermore  
My soul is broke forevermore  
I'm different forevermore  
No one will ever help me, forevermore_

_You are nevermore here  
You will nevermore breathe  
My life will be nevermore  
I am nothing anymore  
Nevermore_

Darry sighed at the poem. Short, but a lot of meaning. Darry folded it and put it in his pocket. Finally, Darry looked at the short story. Then, Darry realized it wasn't a short story; it was a note. It wasn't written to anyone in particular, but Pony signed it at the bottom.

_I can't go on like this. I can't live through life losing everyone. When things seem to get back to normal, I turn around to see the family I have left, and then I lose someone in seconds. Well, I guess in my case I lose two people at once, which makes it hurt a lot more. I never got to tell them how I feel about them, how much I'll miss them that I love them and will never forget them. Instead, God just snatched them from me as if it was okay to do that. It's not okay. Who's going to be next? My two brothers, the ones that I truly have left in family? Soda and Steve, the best friends? Two-Bit and Steve, those two because God likes taking ones that hurt us Curtis's? I don't care who it is; I can't lose them too. I just can't._

_I can't endure this pain any longer, I have to end it before it keeps happening. What kind of a life is that? I know, it's one that deserves to end, because there is nothing else to live for in that life. I miss my mom. I miss my dad. I miss my best friend, Johnny. I even miss the cold-hearted Dallas Winston. And I'm going to see them again. I will end my life here, because I can control my life. No one else can…_

_Ponyboy M. Curtis_

Darry was near tears after reading that. How could he write this? Was it to express anger? Or was Pony really, _really_ considering this? He had to show this to Soda and they had to widen their watch on him. Darry went downstairs quick and brought Soda to the kitchen. "Read these," Darry ordered. He looked over to make sure Two-Bit and Steve weren't listening in through the door.

Darry paced the kitchen as Soda skimmed the letter and poem. "He also drew a picture of people dying, I left it upstairs in his backpack," Darry added.

Soda read them both and nearly ripped the papers. Darry took them and put them in his pocket. "Darry, no, he's not…he wouldn't," Soda said through sobs.

"Soda, by now I think we both know he could be up to anything. I'm not about to ignore these or his behavior. If we ignore them, who knows what will happen," Darry said. At that moment Two-Bit shoved himself in the kitchen.

"Sorry guys, but I went upstairs to look for Pony, where is he?" Two-Bit asked.

"He should be in my room, did you check there?" Darry asked.

Two-Bit gulped.

"What?" Soda asked, "Did you?"

"Yes…" Two-Bit said slowly, "And your bedroom window is open."


End file.
